day one

how does one
cope
with the sternum cracking
pain of dismantling
a life?

in a universe
where the clock moves
so slowly
you feel like you’re going to
burst at the seams.

that just being
you
is enough to
suffocate
under the thin veil of
disappointment
and loss,
so you crack a window
and watch it all
slowly
drift
away.

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Asphalt

As the wheels leave the asphalt,
longing —
eyes scanning the clouds,
and I can’t see New York.

Fist around my heart,
my lungs,
peace and unrest simultaneously
engulf me.

I ache for you when I leave.

It takes leaving this never-still metropolis
to find your soul again.

Reconnection.
Decompression.
Inebriation.

Three days.
How long it takes to forget
the beauty in the smog,
the thrill in the pace,
how full you feel when you’re angry,
annoyed,
and claustrophobic.

You think you don’t miss trees,
wide openness.

You do.

Space where just she is,
standing with the sunbeams behind her,
on a sea of green, green grass
and ‘the hissing of summer lawns.’

And then,
just like that —
the world an atlas beneath you,
seeing it the way
balloons floating into the sky see you.

I see Atlantic City.

And I can see New York.
I missed you, I think,

but then,

tires groan against the asphalt,
pulse quickens,
and would she please move a little faster,
get out of my way,
not sit so close.

I ache to leave you when I return.

trees

crunchy leaves tumble by,
oh so resiliently.
trees always
reinventing and
stripping down.
not afraid of change.
removing their skin,
exposing their deepest wrinkles,
their darkest alleys,
their grit.

somehow,
even with all that vulnerability,
they’ll live so much longer than i.

twelfth

setting out to reconnect my roots with my stems,
i shed the sub and kept the urban.
peaceful, at last.

the street lights struggle their way to brightness
bathing my path in unflattering, orange hues.
i often wonder if they were made
exclusively to compliment the shiny, mahogany cockroaches
that have become a symbol of what i’m capable of enduring.

it’s funny how quickly you learn to amend the way you walk,
planting your boot wrapped feet
into the hardened ground,
your face even harder.

there is something about making it to wherever you’re going
when you hardly feel safe enough to breathe.
russian roulette with every person you pass,
feeling a bit taller with every narrowly averted disaster.

the morning serves as a contrast to all that’s come before –
a constant reminder of the beauty beyond just getting by.
because there is something about the way the sun comes up
on brick row homes that clutter streets
so tiny
that even you don’t feel so small.

(2011)

Sunshine Awards

Acknowledge the nominating blogger.
 Share 11 random facts about yourself.
 Answer the 11 questions the nominating blogger has created for you.
 List 11 bloggers. They should be bloggers you believe deserve some recognition and a little blogging love!
 Post 11 questions for the bloggers you nominate to answer and let all the bloggers know they have been nominated. (You cannot nominate the blogger who nominated you.)

A big shout out to Angela (@AngieMarieTee) for nominating me. She’s an awesome journalist for PGN and a long time friend. Thank you so much!

To Answer Your Questions:

What three accomplishments in your life are you the most proud of?
1. Making a solid place for myself in the recruiting world. 2. Moving to New York City. 3. Finding love in my life at multiple points.
2. What are some of your smaller goals in life? Making something of my website, eventually having a house with a backyard, and earning a decent amount of money.
3. What’s one of your favorite questions to ask new friends or to get a conversation going? Hmm. I generally ask people about where they are from/what they do.
4. What did you do on your 16th birthday? Oh my god. I don’t remember at all.
5. If someone were to make a movie about your life, who would you hope would play you? Christina Ricci.
6. Are you an introvert or an extrovert? A little bit of both — probably a tiny bit more of an introvert, but you wouldn’t know that unless you know me super duper well.
7. What did you want to be when you were little? Uh, my 6th grade yearbook said “Singer/Actress/Talk Show Host.”
8. What is your favorite color? Black.
9. If you could go back in history, who would you like to meet? Big Edie, Little Edie, Bea Arthur, and Lucille Ball.
10. If you could visit any country in the world, where would you go? Amsterdam
11. Favorite food? Mexican (so it’s a cuisine, but I can’t choose).

I have to think of who I want to nominate.

rooms

i’ve sat in so many
rooms,
more rooms 
than i can remember.
more chairs,
more floors,
faces,
appointments,
necessity,
or
desire to be.
i can’t remember,
don’t care to remember,
but what a weird thing 
to have been
somewhere
and not really remember
being there
or
why
or
where
you
were.